I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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