I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
