you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
