we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
