he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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