I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
