So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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