Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
