Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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