My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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