ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
