Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
