I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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