well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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