I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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