this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
