ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
