remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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