I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
