could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
