Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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