oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
