do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
