I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
