ya dads aren't the best wingmen
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
