I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
