Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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