i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
