Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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