WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
