I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
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Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
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I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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