I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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