This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
