the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
