So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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