Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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