I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
