In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
