I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Who died my cat blue again?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
