We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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