i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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