I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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