i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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