fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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