He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
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Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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