I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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