Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
