He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
