I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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