I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
