just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
