so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We have so much sex to catch up on
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
