I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
