I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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