I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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