The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
