you win again, gameday.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
