Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
