maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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