Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
