If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
