I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
